Science and Progress Don't Speak As Loud As My Heart
by Hollyleaf The Black Cat
Summary: "He wouldn't call it love per se but it's like he needed Peggy to complete something in him. They were more alike than either would admit but they also were different enough to complement each other." — Tony Stark goes through his father's old files and finds letters Howard wrote to Peggy but couldn't send.
1. October 5, 1946

**Author's Note: **So I started watching Agent Carter and I just really like Howard and Peggy's relationship. Like I know that he probably doesn't end up being her husband but there is just something about that relationship that is so great. It's like they complete something in each other. Anyway I was thinking about that and then I got to thinking what if he really liked her, even though they don't end up together. So this fic began. I love letters and letter writing is certainly a lost art and so I thought that it'd be cool for Tony to find these letter's that his father wrote but couldn't send to Peggy telling his feelings. I have another fic I set up in a similar way, where we jump from the present where the letter is being read to the time that the letter is being written about. I've only written Peggy and Tony in very short piece in my Steve/Natasha fic _Just Another Day In Paradise _and I've never written Howard before so I am so sorry if anyone if too OOC. Do remember though that Howard is supposed to be different in his letters because these are the inner feelings he can't share. Anyway, here is Chapter 1: "October 5, 1946."

* * *

Howard Stark was a pack-rat. Of that much Tony Stark was sure as he began going through boxes upon boxes of his father's things. Tony had been looking for more of his father's papers about alternative energy sources that he was thinking about using to fuel his newest project: the Ultron project, a group of peace keeping AIs that he wanted to use to handle some lesser threats and give the Avengers some time off.

"Why couldn't they have had computer filing systems then?" asked Tony as he heaved a box upon the table. He carefully began taking out old, half water damaged folders with different labels on them. _Flying automobiles, arc reactor, molecular nitramene. _Then one caught Tony's eye. He pulled out the large file that read "Project Rebirth: Vita-ray testing, Subject: Rogers, Steven." Tony thought that he'd pulled all of these out before.

He flipped the file open and was surprised by what he saw in it. They weren't any folders or reports or charts. The file was filled with letters, all yellowed and faded. They had to have been written years ago, the oldest in at least 1950 if not a little before. Tony gently pulled one out and looked at who it was addressed to: "Dear Peggy," was how it began.

Tony remembered Peggy Carter moderately well. If he thought his father talked about Cap a lot then he talked about Peggy 10 times as much. She would come over a lot when he was just a kid to talk to his dad about whatever work related problems were going about in S.H.E.I.L.D. She would also sneak Tony sweets all the time, much to his mother's frustration, and he would always get excited for her visits. He also remembered when she attended his parents' funeral. She told him that she didn't know his mother well but that his father was one of her dearest friends.

Tony laid the first letter out on the table, smoothing it to the best of his ability. He began reading it:

_Dear Peggy,_

_You're probably wondering why I'm writing you. Let me start out by telling you I'm not drunk while I'm writing this. I barely drank any of that bourbon you gave me. Three glasses, four tops. It's just that I'm just sitting here by myself and I got to thinking about some things._

_Do you remember that night in New York, at your hotel room? After we came back from a talk with the SSR about...some bullshit I can't even recall. I think I was drunk that night. I don't really remember a whole lot of it. I just remember I asked you: You think we could've ever had normal lives?  
_

**XXXXXXXXXX**

"You think we could've ever had normal lives?" he said as he titled his head to look at her.

They were sitting on the couch in her hotel room in New York after meeting with the SSR about some of Howard's inventions that they were studying. Howard has ordered a bottle of bourbon be sent up along with dinner and now they were sitting around drinking for a bit.

She didn't know where this question suddenly came from. "Why do you ask?"

He shrugged. "I don't know. Maybe I'm just a little drunk already. But I was just thinking, could we ever have had normal lives?"

"Define normal, Howard. Normal as in me marrying a nice English gentleman and raising children forever? Normal as in you remaining on the upper east side selling fruit like your father, finding a young girl to marry and have child with? I believe we have missed the chance for a 'normal' life," she said.

He just burst out in laughter and she jumped a little. Just how much bourbon had she poured in his glass? "You're right, Peg. I know we missed the chance but do you think we could have had it? Do you think that we could have stayed out of all this mess?" He took a swig of his glass and laughed. "Ha ha, who am I kidding? Our natures would have never let us have been normal. The minute the SSR came to us we could have never refused."

He turned back over to look at her. "I think about it sometimes, though."

"About what?" she asked.

"Just being that simple guy my dad was. I know I always wanted to climb that ladder and be better than him but he did have some things I don't. He had that little apartment with a pretty wife and a little boy running around. Sometimes I think I want that too. I think I'd name him Anthony," he said. "What about you? You ever think about it?"

She stared down at the drink in her hand. She didn't really want to tell Howard this, though he seemed to be drunk enough he'd probably not remember, but sometimes she did. Sometimes she would catch herself wondering what life would be like if she had just gotten married and became a mother. Of course in those dreams it was never a nice English gentleman who she married. It was always Steve and if she had lived a normal life then she would have never had even met Steve. "Sometimes," she admitted in a whisper.

"You think about life with him, don't you? Steve?" he said.

She jerked around to look at him, wondering how he could tell. That's when she noticed something she hadn't really seen in his eyes. It was an almost sad look as he started at her, a lonely look. It was unusual for him, definitely different than the normal, playful spark that was always in his eyes. Maybe it was just from the alcohol. She didn't say anything. He turned away from her and looked up at the ceiling.

"He was something. He was the perfect guy, the guy who stole your heart," he said.

She thought she heard some resentment in his voice. "Howard, are you alright?" she asked.

"I'm fine, Peg. I just feel a little buzzed," he said.

"I think you are more than 'a little buzzed'," she said. "Perhaps we should go to bed. Come on and I'll take you to your room."

She got up and he grabbed her hand. Her first instinct was to grab his wrist and break it but she stopped herself, wondering what he was doing. He opened his mouth like he had something to say but then closed it and let go of her hand, shaking his head. "You're right, Peg. It's time for some shut-eye."

"I'll go get my shoes," she said as she headed into the bedroom. Howard watched as she walked away. Maybe it was the alcohol fogging his brain up but he'd never seen anything so beautiful as Peggy. Forget all the models and actresses he'd been with; none of them had anything on Peggy Carter.

He would always say that Peggy was just his colleague and his friend but sometimes she felt like more. He wouldn't call it love per se but it's like he needed Peggy to complete something in him. They were more alike than either would admit but they also were different enough to complement each other. There connection had always been strong and maybe he just didn't want to accept it but she was the one girl he always needed as a constant in life. Maybe that's why he constantly flirted and messed with her. Maybe that's why he knew to call on her when his name needed clearing. Maybe that's why he was here sitting in a hotel room with her, drinking, asking her about if they lived a different life.

She walked back in and noticed he hadn't moved. "Howard?" she said, taking a seat beside him. "Are you sure you're alright?"

He shook his head as he stumbled up. "I told ya, Peg. I'm good. You're right though. I should be getting back to my room."

"How about I help you back?" she asked.

"Nah. I can get there," he said as he slipped his coat on. He startled toward the door, swaying a bit.

Peggy sighed as she got up and went over to him. "Howard, you've obviously had too much to drink tonight. And here I thought Howard Stark would have a better tolerance built up after all your times gallivanting around."

"Maybe I'm just getting too old," he said as they started off down the hall.

"Maybe we all are," she said.

They were silent the rest of the way to his room: the presidential suite on the 20th floor. It wasn't a weird silence, just one that showed how tired they both were. Not just from the day but from all that had been going on as of late.

When they arrived in his room he turned around in the doorway to look at her again. "Well I guess this is my stop. Want to catch breakfast together tomorrow though?"

She smiled. "Sounds wonderful. I'll be seeing you about 7 then?"

"I'll be there knocking on your door," he said, "Well, if I don't have too much of a headache in the morning."

"Next time we'll be sure to cut down on the bourbon," she said.

"Ah taking away all the fun, Peg," he said.

She just shook her head. "Have to take it away if you end up like this every time. Stumbling around, acting all strange, asking out of the blue questions."

"I know, I know," he said. "I'll be more myself in the morning. Good night," he said.

"Good night, Howard," she said as she turned to leave.

Just as he was about to shut the door she turned back to him and said "You know, Howard, while a normal life does sound like it would have some benefits, there is something it probably wouldn't have had."

"What's that?" he asked.

"You," she began, "If I had just married some man in England I'd have never meet you. Or Steve or Angie or Jarvis. So many of the people who are important in my life now would've never have been apart of it and I just don't think I can accept that. Maybe one day we can have a normal life if we stay alive and ever decide to get out of all this. But for now I'm fine with this crazy life we live." She smiled at him. "I'm keeping you up; I apologize. Good night."

"Good night, Peggy," he said with a smile as he shut the door.

**XXXXXXXXXX**

_I remember you saying that you didn't want a normal life because you'd miss all of your friends and I understand that. But you also said you think about it sometimes. _

_You imagine a life with Steve, I can tell. Well Peg I imagine a normal life with someone too. That's why I'm writing. I imagine a normal life with you.  
_

_I think about what if we had a little son named Anthony together, lived a happy life, you and me. Raising him, growing old together. It's just a fantasy though.  
_

_You know, Peg, I could have literally any woman in the world and I want you. I guess it's true what they though we only want what we can't have.  
_

_I know I can't have you. Your heart will always be Steve's and if by some chance you do ever give it away and try to have a normal life with someone I know it won't be me. We're just friends and perhaps that's all we are ever meant to be._

_Why did I suddenly decide to pour all this out to you? Maybe I am drunk. I should really keep myself busier so I won't have time for these kind of moments._

_Peg...I'm really thinking about not sending this but in the off chance that I do I just want you to know that I mean everything I say, even if I'm drunk or not._

_You'd expect me to say I love you here but I don't know if that's really what I can all this. I was never good at understanding what love is. I tell too many woman I 'love' them. But I **need** you, Peg. _

_Sincerely,_

_Howard_

Tony stared at the letter again, still contemplating what all he had read. This certainly was a part of his dad he'd never seen or even thought would have existed. He would have never thought that his dad would've been in love with Peggy Carter. Though when he thought about it his dad did always seem a bit happier when Peggy came over to visit, and she was one of the few people he'd drop work for to do something with.

Tony also knew that his parents' marriage had never been perfect. His dad stayed cooped up in his basement working and his mother usually was out with her girl friends or just around the house. They never really were around each other much unless they had to make some public appearance. Maybe this was part of the reason why. Maybe his dad really never got over Peggy.

Tony couldn't help but laugh some. His dad was known for being such a womanizer and there was one girl he couldn't get to fall for him.

He glanced over at the still opened folder. There were more letters inside. Was Tony really going to go through his dad's personal thoughts like this? Go through these letters that his dad tried so hard to hide? He looked at the one in his hand and then at the folder again.

He laid the one he had down and pulled out another.

* * *

So there it is. Tony has decided to check out the other letters. I don't know when I'll have the next chapter up or what the next letter will be about but it will be up sometimes, hopefully in March. I'm working on three other stories (but I couldn't stop from adding another) and school keeps me busy so updating is slow. Anyway I hope you all will enjoy this story. Don't forget to follow to keep up with when it updates. Also check out some of my other fics if you want. I mostly write for Steve/Natasha when it comes to the MCU but I also have some different anime fanfictions. Also reviews and constructive criticism are much appreciated! They tell me if anyone is liking the story and what can be improved. They also make me really happy and fuel my want to write so chapters usually get posted faster! Anyway, see y'all next chapter! ;D


	2. June 16, 1947

**Author's Note: **Ok so if you all look at the first chapter you will notice that I finally decided what to title the chapters. They are the dates that Howard is writing the letters. As you can see the first chapter is October 1946. It is supposed to take place after Peggy has cleared Howard's name, which I'm just going to say like stated in May ended in like June-July. Thus the letter was written a few months later with Howard talking about how the SSR was studying his inventions that they still possessed and yeah anyway this chapter takes place after the Agent Carter one-shot but the timing is a little different. The one-shot is said to have took place in 1946 but they also says the show takes place in 1946 and also that it takes place before the one-shot so that means that Peggy would spend less than a year at the SSR in New York and I just don't think that's right so I've set this after the one-shot but made it to where it is 1947. Also this chapter isn't as deep or anything into Howard's feelings like the last chapter but it's an important chapter because it sets up the rest of the chapters. Also I have laid out all the chapters and there shall be 25 in all. As always I am sorry if anyone is too OOC but do keep in mind that Howard is supposed to be a little different in his letters because those are his inner feelings he can't share. Anyway, here is chapter 2: "June 16, 1947."

* * *

When Tony unfolded the next letter a small, square object fell out of it and onto the table. He set the letter down and picked it up. After unfolding it he noticed it was a picture. It was bent so bad, as if it'd been opened and closed many times. In it was his dad and Peggy. They were both in swimsuits, standing by the pool of one of Howard's many mansions. Peggy had her arm around Howard's neck and Howard had his arm around her waist. They were both smiling for the camera. He flipped it over and noticed a date on the back. _1947\. _He assumed it was probably not long before S.H.I.E.L.D. was founded.

He set the picture down and grabbed the letter. Again it started:

_Dear Peggy,_

_I was just thinking about how nice it is to have you at S.H.I.E.L.D. now. I know that moving to Washington was a big jump for you and that you're still adjusting but I'm really glad you're here. Phillips was just telling me how nice it is to have the team back together and how everything always seems to run smoother with you around. That's the truth. Thinking about how well you work here makes me think back to when I asked you to join. Remember it became your last day at the SSR all because of a phone call? Remember how you almost immediately came to my mansion to talk about it? Gosh, did you look great in that swimsuit... _

**XXXXXXXXXX**

Howard was lounging around in the pool when she came walking in. He wondered why Jarvis hadn't bothered to tell him she was at the door but he assumed it was because Jarvis knew Howard would always let her in. He had his eyes closed as he laid on his float and listened to the clicking of her heels on the concrete. When it stopped he knew she was standing in front of him.

He opened his eyes and gazed at the brown-haired, red-lipped beauty in front of him. "Hello, Peg. To what do I owe this visit?"

"Howard, I'm sure you know why I'm here," she began. "It's about yesterday."

"Oh yeah I heard you recovered that Zodiac serum thing by yourself. Good job," he began, "Come here so I can shower you with congratulations?"

"Howard, you know what I'm here for," she said.

"Sorry Peg but I don't know why you're here then," he said with a grin.

"Don't start Howard. I'm here about your offer, about S.H.I.E.L.D.," she said.

"Sorry Peg," he said as he stretched. "But I'm not in the mood to talk business. I'm relaxing. Unless you want to join me and we can discuss it."

"Howard Stark, I'm not playing games with your right now. This is serious and we need to talk about it," she said.

"We can talk about it," he began, "you just have to join me."

"Howard," she began but he cut her off.

"Sorry Peg. I'm not dressed for a business meeting but I will have a discussion between friends if you join me in the pool," he said.

"Oh, this is ridiculous! I don't even having a bathing suit," she said.

"Plenty of extras in that room over there," he said pointing to a little building by the pool.

Peggy gave him a look that asked 'are you serious' and he just grinned. She sighed and rolled her eyes. "If I didn't really need to discuss this with you..." she began as she started walking toward the little building.

"Why don't you grab one of those two-piece ones? Those bikinis?" he shouted at her.

"In your dreams, Howard," she shouted back.

"Don't you know it," he said as he watched her walk into the room.

Peggy came out a moment later in a navy blue swimsuit, adjusting a white swim-cap on her head.

Howard whistled as she approached. "God, you're a beaut, Peg. Marry me?"

Peggy laughed as she stepped into the pool. "How many times have you asked me that now?"

"I think more than five but less than ten," he said, "I'll take a guess at seven."

"And even with me telling you 'no' seven times, you don't give up. What must one do to get you to stop?"

"Well," he began, "you can either stop being so beautiful or you can just say yes."

"Neither of which will happen," she began as she started floating around.

"Then there is your answer," he said.

She just shook her head while smiling. "All right, Howard. Now how about we get to business."

"All right, let's Peg," he began, "You said you are here to talk about S.H.I.E.L.D. What's there to talk about though?"

She paused her swimming. "What do you mean 'what's there to talk about'?"

"Oh come on, Peg! You're going to run S.H.I.E.L.D. with me! What else is there to say?" he asked.

"Howard, I haven't agreed to this yet. There's plenty to talk about," she said.

"What do you mean you haven't agreed, Peg?" he asked, "You emptied your desk at the SSR didn't you?"

"Yes but I-" Peggy fell silent for a moment. She had cleared out her desk yesterday but after getting home and rationally thinking about it maybe she didn't think everything through enough when she decided to leave to join Howard and S.H.I.E.L.D. "Howard I don't think that I was thinking about everything like I should've been when I left."

"Why'd you do it then?" he asked.

"Well..." began Peggy, "I guess that part of me was just excited to bother Agent Flynn with it."

"Oh yeah, your nitwit boss," began Howard, "I wish I could have been there to see his face when he told you."

"It was quite pleasing," said Peggy with a smile.

"So what was the other part?" he asked.

"Hmmm?" she asked.

"You said that part of you just wanted to bother your boss. What about the other part?" he asked.

"Uh, well..." she began before pausing.

"Come on, Peg, you can tell me," he said.

She sighed. "I know I'll regret telling you this because you'll use it against me one day." She took a deep breath. "When I heard you wanted me to run S.H.I.E.L.D. I was ecstatic. You were one of the few people who ever believed in me and this just showed me how much you believe in me. It made me very happy." She smiled at him. "You made me feel that someone knew my value like I did and I was finally get rewarded for it. I just couldn't help but act on my emotions."

"But," she began going back to a serious tone, "when I went back to my apartment I thought about it and how much of my life would change and I wonder if I shouldn't have thought this out a little more."

"Peg, it's always best to go with your gut," said Howard.

"Angie said about the same thing when I told her I quit. Then again she also told me that I should have told Agent Flynn to, her words, 'take this job and shove it'," said Peggy.

Howard laughed. "Angie's a smart girl. Cute too if I remember correct."

"Leave her alone, Howard," Peggy warned.

"No promises, Peg," he said with a grin.

Peggy just shook her head. "Anyway, back to the matter at hand, there are just a few things I need to think over before I decide what to do."

"Like what?" asked Howard.

"Well, first there is the big one of that you still haven't fully explained what this S.H.I.E.L.D. is going to do," she said.

"Peg, the Strategic Homeland Intervention, Enforcement and Logistics Division**,** is going to change the world! We plan to make it the leading force in protection and research. It's going to save a lot of people. It's just what the world needs after the war. We don't have any specifics yet because S.H.I.E.L.D. is still in it's founding stage. I want you to be not just one of it's leaders but one of it's founders. I know with you on bored we can make this great, Peg. After seeing all the destruction my inventions bring, all I want to do with S.H.I.E.L.D. is make it into something to help people. And with the three of us all on it I know this can become great," he said with a daydream sparkle in his eye.

"Three of us?" she asked. "Who else is part of this?"

"Oh did I forget to tell you?" he asked. "We're getting the team back together."

"Team? she asked, confused.

"The team that helped begin Project Rebirth. You, me, and Colonel Chester Phillips," he said.

"Colonel Phillips is part of this?" she asked.

Howard shook his head. "He is. He's representing the government's part in all this. When I told him I was going to ask you to join he said that with you around at least something would get done."

Peggy smiled, getting all nostalgic. She was had to admit it alleviated some of her qualms to hear how excited Howard sounded talking about S.H.I.E.L.D. and how it would be her, him, and Colonel Phillips creating it. Peggy felt that she had some good ideas for what to do with this organization, ideas that would help people, ideas she hoped would make Steve proud. She also felt that Howard felt the same way.

"Anything else that was holding you back, Peg?" he asked.

Peggy thought for a minute. "Well one thing other thing was. It's not as big a deal but it was still bothering me."

"What is it?" he asked.

"Moving," she began. "Howard, I'm not sure about moving to D.C. I love it here in New York. It has Angie, Daniel, Jarvis, you. Leaving all of my friends...I don't know if I could."

"That would be hard...too bad you don't have to leave too many of us," he said.

"What do you mean?" she asked.

"Peg, I've got some good news. Of course, I will have a mansion in D.C. for the times I am there and where I go Jarvis goes so you will see plenty of us. As for Angie, I am allowing her to stay in my mansion here and the house I am giving you in D.C. will have a large guest room so if she ever comes down she'll be able to stay with you. As for Agent Sousa, we're working on a deal to absorb the SSR into S.H.I.E.L.D. so if he decided to stick with it he'd end up in S.H.I.E.L.D. anyway, but if you'd like to offer him a job now you can. You are one of the bosses," said Howard.

"Well that does sound better. And you're giving me a house?" she asked.

"Of course. Can't have you living in the streets and trying to run S.H.I.E.L.D." he said.

"Thank you, Howard," she said with a smile.

"Now is that all, Peg?" he asked.

"Actually, one last thing is holding me back," she said.

"And this is?" he asked.

"Are you going to force us to have all our meeting in your pool?" she joked.

He grinned. "You know now that you mention it..."

She playfully punched him and he just laughed. "So what do you say now, Peg?" he asked, "Are you ready to come and help build S.H.I.E.L.D.?"

She shook her head. "I am, Howard."

"Yes!" he shouted. "Now, how about we get out of here and go celebrate over drinks?"

"Sounds good," she said.

So he hopped of his float and swam beside her as they excited the pool. Just about that moment Jarvis came running toward them.

"Mr. Stark," he began, "there is a photographer outside for New York Homes magazine saying that he had scheduled the shoot of the mansion for today and was wondering if now was a good time. Should I tell him you are otherwise occupied and to return later?"

"Nah," began Howard, "tell him to come on in. Me and Peg are just about to go out for some drinks because you are now looking at the two of the founders of S.H.I.E.L.D."

Jarvis smiled. "Congrats Miss Carter. Though like Mr. Stark I was sure you would accept his offer."

"Howard can be quite persuasive, can't he?" she began.

"Well I'll go get the photographer and begin showing him around the premises," said Jarvis.

Peggy pulled the swim-cap off her head. "I guess we should go get ready then."

"We should," he said.

As Peggy was just about to walk toward the building and Howard was just about to walk toward the house the photographer and Jarvis returned to the yard.

"And this is the backyard. As you can see we have a small garden, I use it to grow fresh spices, in the corner but most of this is taken up by Mr. Stark's pool. Oh and look, Mr. Stark himself," said Jarvis.

The photographer quickly ran up to Howard and Peggy. He held his hand out to Howard. "Nice to meet you, Mr. Stark. Can I just say I am so honored that you let us to a spread on your mansion. It has to be most gorgeous home I've ever been in."

Howard shook his hand. "Glad to hear it. Now if you'll excuse me, me and my friend were about to head out but Mr. Jarvis here will kindly show you around."

The photographer then noticed Peggy. "Wow! Is she a model?"

Howard just laughed. "She's got the looks to be one but I don't believe she'd have the patience to stand around and be photographed all the time. She's always got to be working. I'm trying to teach her how to relax."

Peggy gave him a shove and he just about hit the water.

"Um," began the photographer, "would the two of you like a picture together? Just for you two while I have my camera?"

Peggy shook her head. "We're not ready dressed for a photo-"

Howard cut her off. "Of course, we'd love one! Come here Peg, stand by me. It'll be our picture to commemorate the day you joined S.H.I.E.L.D."

Peggy sighed but went and stood beside him, putting her around his neck.

He then slipped his arm around her waist.

"Alright, smile in three, two, one!" And the photographer snapped the picture. He pulled it out of the camera and handed it to Howard. "Does that look good?"

Howard looked at the picture and smiled. "It looks great."

**XXXXXXXXXX**

_I kept that picture Peg. I think I might put it in a frame and set it on my desk just to bother you when a bunch of people see it. Ha ha I can only imagine your face._

_In all seriousness though, Peg, that day was great just because you accepted. I couldn't imagine doing all this without you right here to help. You keep this place running smoothly and we are growing and I think both Phillips and I agree that most of that is because of you. I'm glad I could get you to believe in S.H.I.E.L.D. and me like I believe in you._

_I'm not going to lie, Peg. Every time I watch you solve some problem or complete some mission or guide some group of new agents I can't help but have my feelings for you grow. You're really something, Peggy Carter. You really are. I hope you'll stick with us until the very end._

_Sincerely,_

_Howard_

Tony laid the letter down and picked the picture back up. "I guess you were too chicken to put it on your desk," he said. Though Tony guessed that Howard kept it somewhere where he pulled it out and looked at it often.

"J.A.R.V.I.S.?" asked Tony.

"Yes, sir?" asked J.A.R.V.I.S.

"If I gave you a photo do you think you could try to restore what it looked like?" asked Tony.

"I believe so. It would be the same process as restoring your father's old files. I'll scan it, restore color, get rid of stains, yellowing, wrinkles, etc. Then it will be saved to your hard drives, sir."

"All right then. The photos the one on the table," said Tony.

Suddenly a blue light can from the table and ran over the picture.

"A very nice photo, sir. Is this your father and Agent Carter?" asked J.A.R.V.I.S.

"Yeah," began Tony.

"He looks very happy," said J.A.R.V.I.S.

Tony looked at his father and Peggy's smiling faces. "Yeah, he sure does."

That got Tony wondering what happened to his father over the years. What had made him so gruff and work-obsessed all the time? He was pretty sure he'd find the answer somewhere in the rest of the letters.

So he picked up the next one in the folder.

* * *

Tony is right about seeing what happens to his father over the years. I actually plan for this to follow Howard up until the year of his death. So we'll see a lot of his changes, what events cause them, some more of his inter thoughts, etc. and how Peggy affects him during his whole life. Anyway as I said in the first author's note this chapter was really super deep into Howard's thoughts and feelings or anything but it was necessary to set up Peggy being in S.H.I.E.L.D. for other chapters. Also I read somewhere that they didn't actually start calling S.H.I.E.L.D. by it's acronym until later but I am sorry I am lazy and I don't want to write that out all the time. Anyway in the next chapter Howard and Peggy have a conversation about if it's ok to date someone you work with. I don't know when I will have it up (I always try to shoot for within a month after I posted the previous chapter but I make no promises). Also I wrote before I even could think of being work on a boring history essay due today (I know I can get it done; it's like 500 words) so I would really appreciate some reviews and constructive criticism for my sacrifice. Anyway, see y'all next chapter! ;D

Thank you to shadowhuntingdauntlessdemigod, tiggerdavis1970, A Lost Sheep, EsmeAnne5981, and the 1 guest for the reviews and constructive criticism of Chapter 1! Also, thanks to all who followed and favorited!


	3. January 27, 1948

**Author's Note: **Sorry this chapter took so long to get up. I've had so much writer's block and don't even know why. Just one of those writer's block phases I guess. Oh well, I'm glad I finally got this up because I love writing this story and I really hope you all are enjoying it. I've actually planned out all of the remaining 21 chapters and the epilogue so maybe that will help it be easier to write some because like the basis for every chapter is there for me. Anyway, another thing I wanted to mention real fast is that I don't think I've ever said where the title of this comes from. It's a lyric from Coldplay's song 'The Scientist' and if you all have never heard that song then you really need to listen to it because it is beautiful and I really think it like describes Howard's inner feelings for Peggy and really works for this story. Just thought I'd share that. As always, I'm sorry if anyone is OOC. Anyway, here is chapter 3: "January 27, 1948."

* * *

When Tony smoothed out the letter it read:

_Dear Peggy,_

_So I heard your second date went really well. One of the secretaries was gossiping talking about what a cute couple the two of you make. Of course you deny that you two are a couple. What did you say this morning? 'It was just been two dates'? Well, a little bird told me that he'd asked you out again and you'd said yes. That sure sounds like dating. Good for you though.  
_

_Am I sounding cynical? I'm really trying not to because I'm really not mad about this, Peg. I'm glad your dating someone. It's like we talked about. It was probably time now that you've reached some closure with Steve. Plus you said he was nice to you and that you kinda wanted to go. That's what matters most, right? So there's nothing to be mad about.  
_

_Plus I did kind of help you go on that first date. I was just surprised that you came into my office asking me if it was ok to date someone you work with. I mean was I really the best person to ask that to?_

**XXXXXXXXXX**

When she knocked on his door, Howard was sitting in his office, staring at his picture of him and her by the pool the day she joined S.H.I.E.L.D. That'd been seven months ago and he didn't know how many times he'd pulled the photo out of his desk drawer, unfolded it, stared at it, folded it back up and then repeated the same routine the next day. It had so many creases in it it it looked liked it was already 70 years old.

He noticed her waving into his door window and he quickly shoved the photo into his shirt pocket as he motioned for her to come in.

"Am I interrupting something?" she asked.

Howard just shook his head. "Not at all, Peg. Just, uh, looking over some paperwork. Besides I'll always make time for you." He smiled at her as she sat down. "So whatcha need?"

Peggy shifted a bit in her chair. "Well...um...oh god I can't believe I'm going to ask you of all people about this."

Howard perked up. "What is it?"

Peggy paused for a moment, trying to figure out what to say. "Howard...do you think that it's okay to go out on a date with someone you work with?"

Howard was surprised at her question. "Uh, I guess but I'm not sure I'm the best person to ask. I've dated plenty of people I've worked with but let's just say that it never really ended well." He thought for a moment about how many secretaries he had to replace because of bad breakups with them.

Peggy just laughed and stood up, pacing around the room, half-talking to herself. "You're right. Why did I come to you? Probably because you were the only one who I can talk to who'd understand why I'm feeling all conflicted on this."

"Excuse me, Peg, but could you tell me what 'this' is?" he asked.

Peggy stopped pacing and took a deep breath. "Right, sorry, Howard." She took her seat again. "Well, yesterday, I ran into Daniel in the hall and we started talking for a bit about him working here and how things were going and the next thing I knew at the end of the conversation he...well he asked me on a date. And I didn't know how to respond so I just told him I needed some time to see what my schedule looked like."

"Is he the one you go out for drinks with after work sometimes?" asked Howard.

Peggy nodded.

"So what's the problem? You guys already go out together," asked Howard.

"Howard, those aren't the same. Daniel means a real date, a nice dinner and then dancing."

"Well, he's nice to you, right?" asked Howard.

"Of course he is," began Peggy.

"Ok so I'm not seeing the problem, Peg. You guys are already pretty friendly and he's nice to you so..."

"It's not Daniel that's the problem," began Peggy, "it's dating that is. I feel like there are too many problems with us dating."

"Like what?" asked Howard, "The fact you work together? Well, Peg, you are one of the directors of S.H.I.E.L.D. so you know no one can fire you for dating him and if you end up splitting or something you can always fire him afterward."

"Very funny, Howard but I'm pretty sure it doesn't work that way. But now that you bring up splitting what if we did date and then ended it and then still had to face each other at work? It would awful," began Peggy. She quickly jumped up. "You know what, to even think that dating might be ok was a bad idea."

Before she could walk away, Howard spoke up. "Peg, I get the feeling that it's more than just working together that's holding you back." They both paused for a moment and looked at each other. Howard could see a sad look in her eyes and he realized what this was really about, realized why she said only he would understand why she was conflicted. "This is about Steve, isn't it?"

Peggy was silent a moment more before nodding. "Howard, I-I had to let Steve go and I thought I'd finally found some closure but when Daniel asked me out for dancing the first thing I thought of was asking Steve to the Stork Club when he-when..."

She trailed off, trying not to tear up. "I haven't dated since Steve passed but I know Steve would want me to move on, I know he would. However, I don't know if I'm truly ready to go out again. Plus if I do I don't want Daniel to think that he has to try to live up to Steve or anything for me to want to date him."

She let out a sigh. "I'm so lost on what to do. Angie asked me what was wrong this morning but I still haven't told her about Steve so I just told her that i didn't feel it was right for me and Daniel to go on a date if we worked together. She told me just to go for it though. So that's why I decided to come to you, Howard. No one better understands how I felt about Steve than you. So, while you don't have the best luck in relationships, I still felt you'd be the best to ask what to do."

Howard just blinked for a moment as he took in all Peggy had said. He had to admit it he was surprised Peggy had to come to him about this but he was glad she trusted him enough to. He smiled softly and went over to her. "Peg, you're right when you say Steve would've wanted you to move on; he wasn't the kind of selfish guy who would want you to grieve over him forever. While he'll always have a special place in your heart I'm sure he wouldn't mind if you found some room for someone else. So if you want to go on this date then you should. Besides it's just one date. Do you know how many times I've been on one date with someone and it not go anywhere? It's not like you're promising to marry him or anything."

Peggy smiled at him. "You're right, Howard. It's just one date so why not go? It could be very enjoyable," She pulled him into a hug. "Thank you, Howard."

He hugged her back. "You're welcome, Peg. You know if you need any dating advice I can help you with that too."

Peggy laughed. "Oh yes because the Howard Stark way of dating is certainly the best way to go about it."

"Well I do get a lot of dates, Peg," he said with a grin.

"Yes, you do Howard but I would rather date one man I could spend my life with than a hundred men who I can only spend an hour with," she said. "Well, I should be getting off. It's getting late and I still need to catch Daniel before he leaves. Goodnight, Howard." She waved as she started out the door.

"Goodnight, Peg," he said, waving back at her.

Howard then went and sat down at his desk and pulled the wrinkled photo out of his shirt. He twirled it around for a moment and then stared up at the ceiling. "There is a good chance it'll be just one date, right?" he said.

**XXXXXXXXX**

_Actually, Peg, I'm not going to lie. I am a little jealous, I guess. I mean I'm glad that you are moving on and that you're happy; if anyone in the world deserves to be happy it's you. I just wish I could be the one making you happy and taking you out.  
_

_It did make me happy though when you came to talk to me about it. I'm glad you trust me to talk about Steve and your feelings and stuff, Peg. It really felt good._

_You know, Peg, Daniel's a good guy and I'm glad you've found a good guy. Obviously there has to be something there if you guys are about to go on your third date. I admit though that I didn't know if it would last more than one. I'm glad it did though, Peg. So long as you are happy. Really._

_Sincerely,_

_Howard_

"Hmm..." said Tony as he looked at the letter again. The name Daniel sounded familiar but he wasn't quite sure why. Had his dad and Peggy mentioned him before when she would come over? Maybe.

"J.A.R.V.I.S.?"

"Yes, sir?"

"Could you pull up the marriage records for Peggy Carter and see what the name of her husband was?"

"Of course, sir. It should only take a minute."

As Tony waited he thought about his dad being jealous and wanted to laugh a little. "The man who had everything jealous of a guy who probably only went on a few dates with the girl he liked," said Tony, "Hilarious."

"Sir? I found those records," said J.A.R.V.I.S.

"And?" asked Tony.

"Well, Agent Carter was only ever married to one man. His name was Daniel Sousa. They were married in 1953, 5 years after that letter was written."

_Ok so it was more than a few dates. _"1953?" said Tony. "Wasn't that a year before he started up the Stark Expo?"

"Correct, sir."

"He really got back into weapons making around then didn't he?" asked Tony as he thought back to his files folders.

"Yes he did, sir."

Tony looked at the letter again. _It went from one date that you encouraged her to go on to being married 5 years later. I wonder how you took all that. _He looked over at the folder again. _I guess I can find out._

He took out the next letter.

* * *

So, now we are going to start getting into more of what cause Howard to change some and of course Peggy is at the center of it all. Like in this chapter we can see that Howard clearly isn't happy that Peggy is dating but he also loves her enough to want her happiness first. However will that last over 5 years of them dating plus their marriage and them being married? Hmmm, I wonder. Anyway yeah I like the Peggy/Sousa ship too and since I know Howard isn't her husband I want Sousa to be! Please don't let it be Thompson because I just don't like him (but like if any of you do ship that I'm not bashing it). So I thought now was as good a time as any to spoil that she marries him because I think it really adds to the next few chapters where we see Howard having to watch them get closer and get married and stuff. Also I really hope Peggy isn't out of character when talking to Howard. I feel that she can be a little more open with her emotions around him because he too understands what it's like to lose Steve (not in the exact same way but still) and I do think that it would be a bit overwhelming to think about dating when even though she let him go at the end of Agent Carter this is the first time that she's been asked on a like real date, not just going out for drinks and Daniel did ask her for dinner and dancing and dancing will make her think of Steve and yeah so that is just how I think she'd react, not like hysterically losing it or anything but i don't think she would be totally perfectly composed like she normally is.

Anyway in the next chapter Howard and Peggy attend a government dinner that is discussing S.H.I.E.L.D. and Howard gets an important offer that will come up in later chapters. It might be up within the month but I'm in my last 4 weeks of this semester and it's all like piling up so it might not be until early May. It will be up eventually though. As always reviews and constructive criticism are much appreciated! See y'all next chapter! ;D

Thank you tiggerdavis1970 for the review and constructive criticism of Chapter 2! Also, thanks to all who followed and favorited!


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